Sweet Baby

"You are a lot of wonderful things...sweet is not one of them." This is a direct quote from my mother about me. While it sounds a little harsh, it is most definitely true. At least the part about not being sweet. I do think I have some great qualities - I'm kind and thoughtful and I care a lot about others. But, much to my chagrin, I am not sweet. I wish I was. I really do. It's such a great quality when someone is described as "sweet." It brings to mind visions of a Disney princess, and what girl didn't hope at some point that she would grow up to be a princess. 

When I was pregnant, I always told Jason that I wanted a sweet baby. We would compare notes about how we both were as babies/young children - apparently we were both good sleepers and eaters who enjoyed cuddling and followed the rules pretty closely (this definitely changed the older we got.) You may even go so far as to say we were both sweet when we were younger. This is no longer the case. While my husband is also "a lot of wonderful things" - sincere and funny among my favorite qualities - he would no longer be classified as sweet. His endearing Yankee personality guarantees that! So the closer we got to having Hadley, the more we came to terms with the possibility of having a baby that was nothing like either of us - and hopefully a good combination of us both. 

I am by all accounts an anxious person - prone to worrying about things both in and out of my control (i.e. weight maintenance vs. natural disasters). Having a child will do nothing if not make you worry more so I tried to prepare for this during my pregnancy. I also tried to learn to lessen the tight grip I hold on controlling things around me. I am a perfectionist by nature and I admit to having some OCD tendencies (though a clean toilet and color coordinated closets never hurt anyone, so I don't see the harm!) Having a baby is definitely a game changer and I think its impossible to go through such a monumental life change and remain the same person. That said, for as different as my husband would say I am now, I (fortunately or unfortunately) remain anxious, and there is nothing like a gleaming toilet to calm my nerves. God knew what he was doing in sending Hadley to us because I was able to get the best of both worlds - a sweet baby, and the ability to cope with my anxiety. Hadley is a great sleeper and very easy going. She rarely fusses and is content to play by herself when it's necessary for me to get things done around the house. Her sweet nature has allowed me the chance to cuddle to my hearts content (there's nothing better!) while also allowing me the time to keep the dishes clean and laundry put away (a necessity for me to feel like I have some control). 

I am not naive enough to think that this will last. Hadley could be the most well behaved child to ever walk the earth and she will still be on the move and into everything within reach long before I am ready. But for now, I am grateful that I was given an easy baby as my first child. While she makes me question whether it would be responsible to ever have a second child (because as Mimi said "you'll never have another baby this easy") she has also taught me that I can be both a good mother and a bit of a control freak.