Fighting through a New Normal

Today is my fourth day back at work and....well....it sucks. I'd like to say that I've taken the bull by the horns or jumped in with both feet or some other all powerful and confident cliche, all while looking fabulous of course. The truth is that I'm running late every morning wearing pre-pregnancy clothes that don't quite fit yet (thank God for belly bands), with my hair pulled back in a dry-shampooed ponytail and eyeliner that is a little too smudgy thanks to crying as I leave the house. Or after crying in the car. Or from that time I cried at my desk.

I know I'm painting a pretty dreary picture, but the truth is I've survived. It's been hard, and at times harder than I had ever imagined. But, every day has been a little bit easier. And everyday, the closing bell does eventually ring (sometimes a bit early for me as I try to sneak out). And, most importantly, everyday I come home to a happy, healthy, loved baby.

I am so grateful to have my mother-in-law to help us out as I transition back to work. We couldn't get a daycare start date for Hadley until May 2nd so she has truly been a lifesaver. I feel much better knowing that Hadley is at home with her grandmother and I can get regular updates and pictures throughout the day to ease my anxiety. I don't know what we will do when she leaves, but I have a sneaking suspicion the tears will come back with a vengeance.

So here's to wading through the muck as I try to find my pace in what will be my new normal. Here's to the tears, the ponytail and the muffin top. Here's to the next chapter that, regardless of the anxiety and sadness of the moment, will undoubtedly be a great adventure for my little family.