As much as I would have liked to stay in the comfortable arms of denial, it is time to face my new reality. After the quickest 12 weeks of my life, my maternity leave is coming to an end and I return to work tomorrow. I have been dreading this day since before Hadley was born and everyone was right when they told me the time would fly by and be over before I knew it. I know I am lucky to have had 12 weeks at home with her, with more than half of that time paid. I was hoping to feel more ready to return to work, but I'm a ball of anxiety and emotion. I am joining a new team at work and that is adding to my apprehension. I know she will be fine and everything will work out. I just wish things could be different...
But, in a departure for me, I am choosing not to focus on my fear or my sadness, and instead reflect with gratitude on the past twelve weeks which have been both the hardest and best months of my life. I can honestly say I have enjoyed every overwhelming, exhausting, smelly, sticky, sweet moment with my little peanut. And while I will be sad going to work in the morning, I will also be going with a heart full of love and excitement (that part may be a stretch, but I'm all for putting it out in the universe and hoping it sticks) for this next chapter of my life. Bring on the working mama guilt - I'm ready for ya!
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