Weekend Update

After my first full week back to work after maternity leave, I could not wait for Friday afternoon when I could go home for a weekend full of cuddles with my little one. And we had a great weekend! The weather was beautiful and we spent a fair amount of time outside. On Saturday, Trudy and I took the baby to watch Jason play in a machine pitch baseball tournament. The team played great and won both games.

After the game, we went shopping at the outlet mall. Hadley slept the entire time, but I had a good time picking out some new clothes for work. I am within 2 or 3 lbs of my pre-baby weight, give or take, but I have found that my body shape has changed and most of my clothes no longer fit properly. I'm still hoping to get back into those clothes, but in the meantime, I'd like to feel comfortable. And, let's be honest, a muffin top is never a good look!

On Sunday, while Jason played the final game in his tournament (they lost, but had a great time playing!) I tried attending a new church. By "tried", I impressed myself by making it to the service on time, but then realized that the pastor of the church was celebrating his retirement. The church was holding a special service in his honor, so it was not a typical Sunday. The congregation was very welcoming, so maybe we'll try again later in the summer once the new pastor has started. I had the baby wear a cute dress that my parents bought for her. She is getting so big so quickly that I am rushing to try and have her wear all of her cute clothes at least once (some days this is easier than others as she will sometimes have four outfit changes!)

After church, I went to brunch with our small group and then headed home. Jason did some yard work and then cooked a delicious dinner. I was able to spend a lot of quality time with Hadley, which made me really happy. At one point, Jason came in and started talking to Hadley. I snapped the cutest picture of them talking to one another. They did this for about 20 minutes! Be still my heart....

We are really lucky to have Trudy here for another week to help us with Hadley. I know she has loved spending time with the baby, but it's a lot to ask for a person to take two weeks out of their life so we hope she knows how much we appreciate everything. I don't know what we will do without a grandma in town - between my mom and Trudy, we have maintained a clean house, had a full fridge and clean clothes at all times. The best part is that we have a spoiled, happy baby!

Three Months!

I can't believe our little lady is three months old! I swear time is speeding up, especially now that I'm back to work. But this morning, I carved out some time with my favorite girl to make sure we got her 3 Month Photoshoot completed. Mamarazzi at her finest!

At three months, Hadley:
 - loves eating and seems to always be going through a growth spurt
 - has passed the 10 lb mark and is getting bigger by the day
 - usually sleeps through the night (when not going through a growth spurt!)
 - loves being outside, swinging and cuddling
 - is still a good cuddler, though now she mostly does it just at night
 - is not a fan of tummy time so she is working hard to roll over - she has succeeded once so now we just need her to figure out how to get her arm out of the way

She is still such a happy baby, and as easy going as ever. I am so grateful to have such a sweet baby, especially since I am back to work and get limited time with her each day. I can't wait to see how she changes over the next month!

Fighting through a New Normal

Today is my fourth day back at work and....well....it sucks. I'd like to say that I've taken the bull by the horns or jumped in with both feet or some other all powerful and confident cliche, all while looking fabulous of course. The truth is that I'm running late every morning wearing pre-pregnancy clothes that don't quite fit yet (thank God for belly bands), with my hair pulled back in a dry-shampooed ponytail and eyeliner that is a little too smudgy thanks to crying as I leave the house. Or after crying in the car. Or from that time I cried at my desk.

I know I'm painting a pretty dreary picture, but the truth is I've survived. It's been hard, and at times harder than I had ever imagined. But, every day has been a little bit easier. And everyday, the closing bell does eventually ring (sometimes a bit early for me as I try to sneak out). And, most importantly, everyday I come home to a happy, healthy, loved baby.

I am so grateful to have my mother-in-law to help us out as I transition back to work. We couldn't get a daycare start date for Hadley until May 2nd so she has truly been a lifesaver. I feel much better knowing that Hadley is at home with her grandmother and I can get regular updates and pictures throughout the day to ease my anxiety. I don't know what we will do when she leaves, but I have a sneaking suspicion the tears will come back with a vengeance.

So here's to wading through the muck as I try to find my pace in what will be my new normal. Here's to the tears, the ponytail and the muffin top. Here's to the next chapter that, regardless of the anxiety and sadness of the moment, will undoubtedly be a great adventure for my little family.

A New Chapter

As much as I would have liked to stay in the comfortable arms of denial, it is time to face my new reality. After the quickest 12 weeks of my life, my maternity leave is coming to an end and I return to work tomorrow. I have been dreading this day since before Hadley was born and everyone was right when they told me the time would fly by and be over before I knew it. I know I am lucky to have had 12 weeks at home with her, with more than half of that time paid. I was hoping to feel more ready to return to work, but I'm a ball of anxiety and emotion. I am joining a new team at work and that is adding to my apprehension. I know she will be fine and everything will work out. I just wish things could be different...

But, in a departure for me, I am choosing not to focus on my fear or my sadness, and instead reflect with gratitude on the past twelve weeks which have been both the hardest and best months of my life. I can honestly say I have enjoyed every overwhelming, exhausting, smelly, sticky, sweet moment with my little peanut. And while I will be sad going to work in the morning, I will also be going with a heart full of love and excitement (that part may be a stretch, but I'm all for putting it out in the universe and hoping it sticks) for this next chapter of my life. Bring on the working mama guilt - I'm ready for ya! 

Sweet Baby

"You are a lot of wonderful things...sweet is not one of them." This is a direct quote from my mother about me. While it sounds a little harsh, it is most definitely true. At least the part about not being sweet. I do think I have some great qualities - I'm kind and thoughtful and I care a lot about others. But, much to my chagrin, I am not sweet. I wish I was. I really do. It's such a great quality when someone is described as "sweet." It brings to mind visions of a Disney princess, and what girl didn't hope at some point that she would grow up to be a princess. 

When I was pregnant, I always told Jason that I wanted a sweet baby. We would compare notes about how we both were as babies/young children - apparently we were both good sleepers and eaters who enjoyed cuddling and followed the rules pretty closely (this definitely changed the older we got.) You may even go so far as to say we were both sweet when we were younger. This is no longer the case. While my husband is also "a lot of wonderful things" - sincere and funny among my favorite qualities - he would no longer be classified as sweet. His endearing Yankee personality guarantees that! So the closer we got to having Hadley, the more we came to terms with the possibility of having a baby that was nothing like either of us - and hopefully a good combination of us both. 

I am by all accounts an anxious person - prone to worrying about things both in and out of my control (i.e. weight maintenance vs. natural disasters). Having a child will do nothing if not make you worry more so I tried to prepare for this during my pregnancy. I also tried to learn to lessen the tight grip I hold on controlling things around me. I am a perfectionist by nature and I admit to having some OCD tendencies (though a clean toilet and color coordinated closets never hurt anyone, so I don't see the harm!) Having a baby is definitely a game changer and I think its impossible to go through such a monumental life change and remain the same person. That said, for as different as my husband would say I am now, I (fortunately or unfortunately) remain anxious, and there is nothing like a gleaming toilet to calm my nerves. God knew what he was doing in sending Hadley to us because I was able to get the best of both worlds - a sweet baby, and the ability to cope with my anxiety. Hadley is a great sleeper and very easy going. She rarely fusses and is content to play by herself when it's necessary for me to get things done around the house. Her sweet nature has allowed me the chance to cuddle to my hearts content (there's nothing better!) while also allowing me the time to keep the dishes clean and laundry put away (a necessity for me to feel like I have some control). 

I am not naive enough to think that this will last. Hadley could be the most well behaved child to ever walk the earth and she will still be on the move and into everything within reach long before I am ready. But for now, I am grateful that I was given an easy baby as my first child. While she makes me question whether it would be responsible to ever have a second child (because as Mimi said "you'll never have another baby this easy") she has also taught me that I can be both a good mother and a bit of a control freak. 

Spring Break

My mom is a third grade teacher and she usually spends her spring break here in Kansas City. Now that there are three grandchildren here I have a feeling she will never voluntarily miss that trip! It was great to have Mimi here for a week, as grandmothers provide the best kind of help. I don't think I changed a diaper the whole week and she took night duty each night she stayed with us, allowing Jas and I to get three nights of uninterrupted sleep in a row. Throughout the week, she spent a lot of time with me and Tina, as well as all three granddaughters. She kept saying she was in "Mimi Heaven"! For some crazy reason I didn't get one picture of Mimi while she was in town (probably because all of our energy was focused on the babies!)

With my mom in town, I was able to catch up on some errands I had been putting off while on leave (like getting my car tagged) and I was able to get more practice with leaving Hadley for several hours a day. I was hoping it would make me feel better about going to work, but so far that hasn't happened! One of the fun things that we did when she was here was to get Hadley's ear pierced. I know she is still a bit young (but please keep any unsolicited parenting advice to yourself!) but I thought it was a good idea to do it when she was young, and I think she looks precious. She was a champ the entire time and only cried for a minute before returning to her easy going, happy little self.

While she was here, we celebrated Makenzie's third birthday. I cannot believe that Mickie is already three! The old saying is true that the days are long, but the years are short. It seems like just yesterday Mickie was born, and now I have one of my own! We had a good time celebrating Mickie at her party and I'm glad that Mimi was able to be here for all the fun.

My mom left yesterday morning and I'm now in the last few days of my maternity leave. I can't believe it's already been 12 weeks and, in all honesty, I am dreading going back to work. I will be joining a new team when I return and, while I'm looking forward to a new opportunity, I hate the idea that I'll be leaving Hadley. Cue working mom guilt! Lucky for us, my mother in law is coming into town to watch her for a few weeks before her May 2nd start date at daycare. I'm hoping that having the baby stay with Trudy will help ease my anxiety as I get used to being back at work. Here's to hoping! Until then I will soak up all the time I have left with this little cutie. Here are a few of my favorite pics from last week:

This little pouty face was too cute - she never made a sound, but it still broke my heart!

Mimi took this picture and I just love it - she looks so sweet!

Funny onesie from Grandpa and Gammy...and so true! 

Hadley in the outfit I wore from the hospital in 1985! 

Our week in Review

I can't believe another week of maternity leave has come and gone. I only have one more full week and I am dreading going back to work. While I'm looking forward to some regular adult interaction, I am so sad to be leaving my baby. I hope one day to be a stay at home mom, but until that's a possibility I'm trying to soak up every minute we have left.

We had a really good, if uneventful, week. Hadley has started sleeping better through the night and last night slept 7 hours before waking up to eat - and then slept another two hours after that! I am under no delusions that this will be her new normal, but this tired mama appreciated the night of restful sleep.

This week, Hadley started spending time in her Bumbo chair. She is not a huge fan of tummy time and the Bumbo chair allows her to strengthen the same muscles - with less screaming which is a win for me! The first day she sat in the chair she lasted almost 20 minutes!

On Friday, Hadley and I went to Cerner to visit with one of my old coworkers who was in town. Christina and I started working at Cerner around the same time and she was like my little sister from the start. She is so sweet and smart. I was excited to see her accept a new opportunity in Salt Lake City and she is doing really well at her new position. But I miss her so it was so nice to spend time with her!

My mom is coming into town tomorrow for her spring break and I am looking forward to spending time with her. And I know she is thrilled to get quality time with all the grandbabies. I have a long list of things I'd like to accomplish while she is here, so I hope she's ready!