What I Want for my Daughter

Now that we are more than halfway through our pregnancy, the entire situation is beginning to feel much more real. We are about four months away from the biggest adventure of our lives and I am routinely overwhelmed with the myriad of emotions I face on a daily basis (and let me be honest, sometimes on an hourly basis) From excitement to anxiety, giddiness to fear, I spend most days eagerly planning for the future while simultaneously worrying about every little thing that could happen during her lifetime. I hear that never changes as a parent, so I’m telling myself this is good practice.

Since learning we are having a girl, I have thought a lot about the relationship I have with my mom and the other women in my life, and what I hope for my baby girl. I’m sure this list will continue to change and grow, but someday, I hope to show her this blog and let know how much I hope for her and how much she was loved even before I knew her. So here are the first few things that I want my little Peanut to know…

1. First, I need you to know how much I have loved being pregnant with you. Your Daddy and I were so excited to learn we were having a baby and we thank God every day for making us your parents. The two of us still have a few months of quality time to enjoy together, and through the sleepless nights and when we both become uncomfortable, I hope we continue to enjoy the experience.
2. Never underestimate the value of friendship. Find your people and guard those relationships fiercely. Surround yourself with girls who will support you at your worst and cheer you at your best. Find those who are nothing like you and learn from them. When possible, try to maintain these friendships through various stages of your life, though understand that some relationships are only meant to last for a while. Remember it is okay for a friendship to end and one day you’ll look back on those relationships as a valuable lesson.
3. Always fight for the underdog. Never forget how lucky you are and be grateful for all that you have been given. This is easier said than done, but trust me when I tell you there are always those who have it worse than you do. Stand up to injustice and lend a voice to those who don’t have one. There are people you will meet who need a champion and you will never regret being an advocate for those less fortunate.
4. Do your best in school. It’s okay if you aren’t the best student, but always try your best and never be afraid to ask for help. Higher education is important, but so is “real world education” so when it comes time for you to choose a path, know that your dad and I are here to help.
5. Find something you’re passionate about when you’re young. Whether its soccer or ballet or music, find something you enjoy and pursue it. Participation in these activities will teach you discipline, self-reliance and the value of teamwork. Healthy competition is a good thing, but always remember to be a good sport.
6. Never be afraid to do what is right….even when you will be standing alone. There will be many times in your life that the easy option is going with the crowd but I challenge you to stand alone in those circumstances when the right thing and the easy thing are not one in the same. Immediate consequences may make you feel otherwise, but I guarantee you’ll be glad you did the right thing when looking back.
7. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. We all mess up, and I will be the first to say that, try as I may, I will not be a perfect parent and I will make my fair share of mistakes as we figure this thing out together. It is okay to make a mistake, but own up to it and try to avoid making the same mistake again. Don’t be too hard on yourself in the moment and instead look back at the experience as a lesson learned.
8. Your cousins are one of the coolest relationships you will have in your life. You will have shared history that will bond you for life. I hope you remain close with your cousins as an adult. Trust me, you will be glad you did!
9. Value your relationship with your aunts. An aunt is an amazing relationship – they love you like a mother but can treat you as a friend. You are lucky to have four aunts (plus some pretty awesome great-aunts) who will gladly step up as your confidant, cheerleader and friend throughout your life. Know that these women will love you and have your back….unless it’s something your parents need to know in which case don’t blame them for keeping us in the loop! Even when it won’t seem true, they have your best interest at heart….
10. Call your grandmas at least once a week. As a teenager, I know this will be completely uncool and the last thing you want to do when you could be texting your bestie or stalking a boy on FB, but trust me when I tell you, you will cherish those conversations when you’re older. Your grandmothers love you in a way your dad and I can’t because they have the added bonus of loving the two of us as their children. Though you’ll worry they are out of touch because they “are SO old”, you will be surprised at the valuable advice they will provide. And if you’re anything like me as an adult, you’ll hear her voice in your head when you’re making a big decision.
11. Never underestimate the power of good manners and a firm handshake. Look people in the eye, be true to your word, and always listen more and talk less (good luck with that one – you’re genetically predisposed to never shut up)
12. Open your heart. Open it to your friends, to your family, to romantic interests….and even to those you don’t like. Open your heart to new opportunities and experiences. Love those around you, but never lose sight of who you are on your own. Most of all, love yourself.
13. Don’t be afraid to get your heart broken. Don’t misunderstand…there are few things worse than a broken heart and they can be the result of many things other than a fractured romantic relationship. Unfortunately, I suspect you will get your heart broken more than once as you grow up. While I wish I could change this fact, I also recognize that these times will help to shape you into a more compassionate person. If you are ever in doubt, call your godmother, Robyn. She is a hopeless romantic who always wears her heart on her sleeve, regardless of the heartache she has faced. She can walk you through these times…and when you’re old enough, she’ll gladly commiserate over a glass of Pinot Grigio.
14. Never stop learning. Take the opportunities given to you to learn about other people and other cultures. Keep an open mind about those things you may not understand and always go into a conversation willing to change your opinion.
15. You are good enough. Despite what you may hear from society, from mean girls or even from strangers…you are good enough. Never let another person determine your self-worth and develop a healthy self-esteem that allows you to be proud of yourself without being arrogant.
16. Have faith. In something. Belief in something bigger than yourself will provide you comfort and peace when nothing else can. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and a little bit (or a lot of bit) of doubt never hurt. You’ll find that your faith will ebb and flow through the years and what you believe as an adult may be very different than what you will believe as a child. And that’s okay.
17. Be ready for change. Change is the one thing you can count on in life. Change can be exciting or it can be scary, but it cannot be avoided. Always be flexible and remain open to what can happen. Some of the best things in life are those that weren’t planned.
18. Have the courage to pursue your dreams. Don’t let the fear of failure prevent you from taking chances. You’ll only come to regret the chances you didn’t take.
19. When it comes time to choose a life partner…choose wisely. A way to make it simpler for you is for me to encourage you to find someone like your Daddy. Someone who will be your best friend, someone who will love you at your worst and support you at your best. You deserve someone who will put you on a pedestal while recognizing your faults and encouraging you to continue to grow. You need someone who will make you laugh and hug you when you cry. You are lucky to have the example of your Daddy and, take it from me, a man who cooks can’t be beat!
20. Always, no matter what, remember that I love you more than anything in this world and I am blessed to be your Mama.