Well, I wish I had a
great reason for having given up the blog. If I could say that I got a huge
promotion that came with more hours at work, or now I'm busy decorating a new
house, or we are working to create a small business - all of those would be valid
excuses. But none of that is true. Instead, my reasoning is that I'm tired. I
have a sassy toddler, a naughty dog and a husband who travels 80% of the time.
I work a full -time job, struggle with insomnia, and have little left over
after a long workday, aside from engaging in the inevitable negotiation
proceedings with my newly independent and defiant child.
This summer, with my anxiety at an uncomfortable high, something
had to give. While I would have loved to give up my 50 hour workweeks or
endless loads of laundry, I recognized that, just like my dad always told me,
money does not in fact grow on trees and our bills still needed to be paid. On
top of the logistics of keeping on the electricity, I figured my coworkers and
Hadley's teachers would appreciate it if our clothes didn't stink. So, I took a
break from the blog, promising myself that I would re-engage in July or August
once things settled down. With good intentions, of course. But what is it they
say about good intentions? Not surprisingly, things didn't "settle
down" and, in actuality, things got busier by the day.
Recently, I have missed writing down our daily happenings, as
un-glamorous as they may be. My sole purpose in starting this blog was to have
a way for our long-distance families to keep up with our daily lives and feel,
in some small way, that they are a part of the joy and stress and diapers (I
wish they were actually here for the diapers because, man, I'm sick of changing
those!) I want this to be a living record for Hadley to have of her childhood. Specifically,
in the teen years, I hope she will remember that at one time she didn't know I
was uncool and would tell everyone she met that she was my best girl.
In giving up writing down my thoughts here, I became more active
on social media, something I both enjoy and question routinely. I love the
immediacy of social media. Seeing people get engaged, get married, have babies,
buy houses and start new jobs - almost at the moment they are happening - is
amazing. It is nice to feel we are able to celebrate the accomplishments and
mourn the losses with those who live so far away. That said, social media is an
often scary place. How easy it is to fall down the rabbit hole that is
Pinterest (5 minute meals! Plan the best birthday party on a budget!) or get
sucked into the negativity that so often spews from the pages of some faceless
FB user who takes great pride in knocking down others from behind the safe
anonymity of a screen. I have been criticized for being an
"oversharer" on FB, specifically in regard to Hadley. This has
nothing to do with caring about the opinions of others, especially my
"friends' from years back who haven't seen me in 16 years and wouldn't
recognize me on the street. These memories are for me.
That said, I can
appreciate that others may think it inappropriate to discuss my child's potty
training antics or the fact that she ate a dog treat or called the dog a
"dick" (true story - great Mom moment) - but this is my real life.
The good, the bad, the ugly. It's mine, and I choose to share it the way I
want. That said, I hope to re-engage in the blogging world and keep my memories
here in conjunction with social media. This year several people have told me I
should write a book about Hadley. I don’t think I have the capability to write
anything solid enough to entertain anyone outside of the grandparents, but I
like the idea of having everything together in one place in the event I ever
change my mind. Who knows? Hadley may be the next great thing to happen to this
world, and how fun to keep her grounded by reminding her that she once pooped
on the floor and called socks “cocks.” So here’s to hoping I can do better in
keeping up with the crazy in 2018!
